My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this will be a night to untag.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
