We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize