You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
