I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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