thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
