Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
