Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just high enough for therapy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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