Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
