Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
