I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
