Who wears a wallet chain?!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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