I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
