I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
