Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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