It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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