Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
