I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
