Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
