so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
