she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
