My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
