i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
