Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
