im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
