well I can't set my house on fire every night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
