im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
