: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
