i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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