theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
