omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
