Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
