The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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