I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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