it was like his penis was on wheels.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
