yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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