Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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