Just took my morning after pill in the library
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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