hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
