That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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