at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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