I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so let's talk penis.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
