i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
