just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
