I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
