Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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