We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
