How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
