Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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