she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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