I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
