Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am spending my child support on dildos
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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