You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
