Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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